Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
