...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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