then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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