guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Bring me that man meat
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
