She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i out mim tonsoeep
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