Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
