im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
