Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
