he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
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omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
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Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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