She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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