it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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