She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
