Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
