Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
