My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
