his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
