My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Farmville is her only friend.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
