Just fell off a train. Bad.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
