she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
