I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
