peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
