Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
