i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
