How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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