So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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