why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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