i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Shame - the story of my life.
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