I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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