Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
