someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.