I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid