how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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