I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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