Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
