did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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