You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
