arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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