guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
