i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
