i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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