I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
