I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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