he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
