you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
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