I need to stop coming to work sober
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
