i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
