I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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