ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
