I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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