the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
