sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
