You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
