I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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