if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
