I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
