We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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