suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
