i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
