3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
