Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
