i think my tv is drunk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
