Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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