I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
