In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
