somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
