yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
