carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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