Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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