Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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