so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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